Non-stopping I am

[馬雲程]

What else do I own on that side of the night?
Nothing else but a million lies
filling up the blacking skies.

Depression seems possible to rain
from whose clouds possesses the pain
over and over, over and over again.

What aspect do I trust these skies?
For its loneliness rolls like dies
non-stopping my decision hides.

Let the dream rains its rain, and
let the pain possesses its pain
over and over, non-stopping I am.

[喬叟]

What else do I own on that side of the night?
Nothing else but a million lies
filling up the blacking skies.
over and over, non-stopping I am.

Comments on the first stanza

(1)It is apparent that you are trying to write a poem that rhymes. Please note that "Night" does not rhyme with "dies." This is a common mistake among Chinese writers who have learned English as a second language.

(2) Nothing else but....."else" is superfluous

(3)Additionally, the second sentence lacks a verb--another common mistake of native Chinese writers. "Blacking" is just plain awkward. "Black" is not a verb; "blacken" and "darken" are.

[馬雲程]

What else do I own on that side of the night?
Nothing else but a million lies
filling up the blacking skies.
over and over, non-stopping I am.

Comments on the first stanza

(1)It is apparent that you are trying to write a poem that rhymes. Please note that "Night" does not rhyme with "dies." This is a common mistake among Chinese writers who have learned English as a second language.

(2) Nothing else but....."else" is superfluous

(3)Additionally, the second sentence lacks a verb--another common mistake of native Chinese writers. "Blacking" is just plain awkward. "Black" is not a verb; "blacken" and "darken" are.

1. Poetry also contains Imperfect rhymes.
2. Verbalized adjectives are common in western poetry.
3. Poetry does not follow exact English grammar pattern.

I study English poetry as major in college here in Canada, trust me, I'm right! ^ ^