I’ll tell you how

[倚馬]

I’ll tell you how the Sun rose-
A Ribbon at a time-
The steeples swam in amethyst-
The news, like squirrels, ran-
The Hills untied their Bonnets-
The Bobolinks – begun-
Then I said softly to myself-
“That must have been the sun”!
But how he set- I know not-
There seemed a purple stile
That little Yellow boys and girls
Were climbing all the while-
Till when they reached the other side,
A Dominie in Gray-
Put gently up the evening Bars-
And led the flock away-

By Emily Dickinson

讓我告訴你太陽如何升空-
綵帶逐一逐一浮泛-
教堂的尖塔在紫水晶中游泳-
消息如同松鼠, 跳踉-
山巒解開小帽的繫繩
食米鳥開始了晨操-
我柔聲自語-
“一定是太陽出來了!”
但他怎樣下山- 我不知道-
像有紫色的階梯-
橙黃色的男孩女孩
不停向上爬-
直到他們抵達另一端,
穿灰衣的教師-
輕柔地裝上晚間的欄柵-
引領羊群離去-

2005/8/23 譯

[喬叟]

我注意到倚馬的譯文，有個共同的美中不足的地方，那就是忽略了原作的韻腳。如果譯詩如譯文，那英文有兩年基礎的人都做得到。問題是我們在譯『詩』，那麼就要盡力的維護那份『詩意』。

原文的幾個韻腳如下 6, 8, 10, 12, 14, 16

I’ll tell you how the Sun rose-
A Ribbon at a time-
The steeples swam in amethyst-
The news, like squirrels, ran-
The Hills untied their Bonnets-
The Bobolinks – begun-
Then I said softly to myself-
“That must have been the sun!"
But how he set- I know not-
There seemed a purple stile
That little Yellow boys and girls
Were climbing all the while-
Till when they reached the other side,
A Dominie in Gray-
Put gently up the evening Bars-
And led the flock away-



希望你能嘗試著做到 『狄金蓀押韻的地方，我也押韻』。如果只能達到意譯，那就永遠停留在八十分的境界。希望倚馬努力向一百分邁進。


喬叟共勉之