Nameless

[紫陌]

Nameless

I can't find myself.
Something in my heart is loosing.
I hear your voice talking.
Or sometimes they are so quiet.
Don't want to loose your warm beating.
But,they all like a black ocean.
Never get to die in your soaring eyes.

[喬叟]

Nameless

I can't find myself.
Something in my heart is loosing.
I hear your voice talking.
Or sometimes they are so quiet.
Don't want to loose your warm beating.
But,they all like a black ocean.
Never get to die in your soaring eyes.

First of all, one must be certain of the meaning and the usage of the word "loose" and "lose." I am afraid you are confusing the two. Loose can be a noun, an adjective, or a verb. The meaning of it is "not tight, coming apart, and, when used as a verb, means to let go, to release." Lose, on the other hand, means to miss from one's possession or from a customary or supposed place. In both instances I am sure your meaning was the verb "lose." This is a common mistake among the novice English users. Secondly, in the fourth line "they" is a subject-verb mismatch. If you want to stick with "they", then the "voice" in the previous line should have been the plural "voices." Again, "they" in the 6th line is confusing. What are "they"? The voices? or "warm beating"? If you are referring to "warm beating" then it should be the plural "warm beatings."

English is a beautiful and precise language, perhaps equal, or more so than the Chinese. However, I will refrain from discussing the merits of the English language in this Chinese poetry site.

Sincerely,

喬叟

[ZY]

I concurr with 喬叟(Chaucer?).

I read several of 紫陌's poems, and once tried to correct the English version and to help in translating it.

Although I commend and respect your courage in trying to write in English, I have long wondered and worried that this might not be a very worthwhile endeavor, that is, until you have a much better commend and control of the English language. It is almost inevitable that you need a deep understanding and are versatile with a language before you can write well with it.

Thus, it seems to me that it would be a better use of your time and energy to focus on writing in Chinese first, and wait until one day your English is sufficiently proficient, then to try your hand with English. If you are trying to write in English to learn English, that, to me, is not terribly efficient.

I hate to discourage you from your admirable attempt. This is just my "one man's opinion". I wish you success.

ZY

[喬叟]

See posting below

[喬叟]

I concurr with 喬叟(Chaucer?).

Ha! Ha! My dear ZY:

I like Geoffrey Chaucer, but he was a bit too old for me...(laugh out loud) I am more akin to Sylvia Plath, the younger and more dynamic poets. I admire Chaucer, though, who had contributed greatly to the English literature before my friend Wm. Shakespeare. Chaucer's "Canterbury Tale" was a required reading while I was in high school. I remembered it just too well...sigh.....

[ZY]

Chaucer's "Canterbury Tale" was a required reading while I was in high school. I remembered it just too well...sigh.....

At least you still remember his stuff, my friend. That is a lot better than me.

ZY

[余學林]

我個人認為，兩位應該不介意我翻譯成中文供網友與其他板主參考才對吧。以下的翻譯純屬個人解讀，或許與原作者有異，僅供參考。

喬叟說：
　　首先你必須瞭解「Loose」與「Lose」的意思與語法。我擔心你可能對兩者有些混淆了。「Loose」可當作名詞、形容詞、動詞，意指不緊密、分離，而用作動詞時意指放開、鬆開。反觀「Lose」呢，這個字表示從持有物的損失或是想念一個曾經住過的場所。在兩個情況下我確信你是指動詞的「Lose」。這對於對英文尚不熟悉的人是個容易犯的錯誤。
　　第二，第四行中的主詞與動詞的錯搭。如果你想用They，那麼之前一行就應該使用複數Voices。再者，第六行中的They使我有些迷惑。They是指什麼？是voices又或是warm beating呢？如果你是指"warm beating"那就應該使用複數"warm beatings"。
　　英文或許與中文相同，或更是個美麗而精準的語言。但是在這個中文詩網站我也不好大談英文的優點。


ZhanYi說：
　　我同意喬叟的看法。
　　我讀了些許紫陌的詩了，也曾經試過修改英文版本來幫助翻譯詩作。
　　雖然我讚賞尊敬您以英文書寫的勇氣，但我一直疑慮擔憂這是不是很值得的努力方向，我是指，直到您對於英文有了更進一層的掌握。幾乎無庸置疑地我們需要對於語言更深的瞭解與靈活運動的能力，才能用那語言寫好一篇作品。
　　所以，我個人認為您或許應該先利用您的時間與氣力琢磨在中文寫作上，等到英文夠精深後再嘗試以英文寫作。如果您是想利用書寫英文來學英文，那麼在我看來，並不是十分的有效。
　　我並不想使您對於您可敬的嘗試灰心，這不過是我個人一些拙見罷了。願您一切順利。

[紫陌]

ok,我放棄了；因為真的事實上是如此；不過，我還是會繼續努力
學英文的，謝謝各位。

[紫陌]

我在寫這篇文章時，對於一些較不熟悉的英文單字，都會先查過一遍
而loose，它的意思字典上可作為自由或釋放，我是取這個意思；
祗是或許文法用的並不對；但我知道loose與lose的差別阿~~

[喬叟]

ok,我放棄了；因為真的事實上是如此；不過，我還是會繼續努力
學英文的，謝謝各位。

(1) 謝謝 Koala 詩友的翻譯！

(2) 紫陌詩友︰千萬不要灰心！ZY 說的對。我想您還是先把閱讀英文的基礎打好，然後再練習寫正確流暢的英文，要是能再上一層樓，能把英文學得精通如Joseph Conrad 或哈金一般（註），那就要一些天份了。學海無涯，願大家共勉之！

（註一）Joseph Conrad：第一位以外國人的身份用英文寫作而成名的英國文學家。他到成年以後才開始學英文！！

（註二）哈金：（金雪飛）49 歲，出生於一個中國軍人家庭，14歲入伍，1978年，考入黑龍江大學外語系，後考入山東大學英美文學研究所，獲碩士學位；1985年赴美，在馬薩諸塞州的布蘭岱斯大學深造，獲英美文學博士學位。自進入美國文壇後，哈金連續獲獎。他的第一本小說集《好兵》（Ocean of Word）獲得了筆會海明威獎，小說集《光天化日》（Underthe Red Flag）獲得Flannery-O'Con-nor小說獎，《新
郎》（The Bridegroom）獲得了亞裔美國文學獎、The Townsend小說獎1999年，他以長篇小說《等待》（Waiting）奪得第50屆美國國家圖書獎。苦學英文成功的典範。


喬叟

[紫陌]

謝謝喬叟詩友的鼓勵，我還是先把英文閱讀基礎學好，一步一步來，
學海無涯~^^共勉之

[喜菡]

歡迎張貼至

http://www.pon99.net/phpBB2/viewforum.php?f=99

[紫陌]

喜站長，外語詩的張貼都好厲害，我還是先跟他們學習學習，先觀摩他們的文章，並打好我的基礎；等有一天能寫出一篇好的英文詩再張貼，不然真的會很汗顏。謝謝喜站長。