OUR ENDLESS LOVE

[倚馬]

O h! Listen to the early birds singing.
U once said it’s the best remedy.
R ead and crack the code in their melody,
E normous happiness you would find swinging.
N ow life is especially precious at this stage.
D aring, we have overcome lots of hardships.
L et us seal our love with our lips.
E ternity is the symbol of our sole image.
S oftly we whisper and embrace.
S miles spurt deep from our fountain.
L uck will strike us with good fortune.
O ur future will be blessed with grace.
V igorously we strive for the best.
E bb and flow is nothing compare to Everest.

[葉優]

O h! Listen to the early birds singing.
U once said it’s the best remedy.
R ead and crack the code in their melody,
E normous happiness you would find swinging.
N ow life is especially precious at this stage.
D aring, we have overcome lots of hardships.
L et us seal our love with our lips.
E ternity is the symbol of our sole image.
S oftly we whisper and embrace.
S miles spurt deep from our fountain.
L uck will strike us with good fortune.
O ur future will be blessed with grace.
V igorously we strive for the best.
E bb and flow is nothing compare to Everest.

O h! Listen to the early birds singing.
=> birds' singing or bird's?

U once said it’s the best remedy.
=>U once said it was
因為前面用了said是過去式，後面的動詞最好是要一致。

R ead and crack the code in their melody,
=>in用of或from會不會好點?

E normous happiness you would find swinging.
=> Enormours happiness would make you find swinging?
happiness跟you都是noun，中間沒有連接詞或動詞或介係詞，文法感覺很突兀。

E ternity is the symbol of our sole image.
=>sole在這裡是要用哪個meaning優查了字典卻無法了解......
是要當單獨的or獨占的or未婚的or腳底or比目魚??

S miles spurt deep from our fountain.
=>spurt deeply??
還是deep好像也可以做adv?這點優不確定，但只是詢問以求精進。

L uck will strike us with good fortune.
=>strike用在這裡非常奇怪，因為strike通常是用於襲擊，或打擊等較為負面的意思，跟後面的good fortune不是很協調─還是筆者想藉此做為諷刺?

E bb and flow is nothing compare to Everest.
=>Ebb and flow are
因為Ebb跟flow中間是"and"，會成為複數；若想保持is單數用法的話，請將and改為or或nor。
至於compare在這邊的文法用法，是否前面省略了一個"to"?那樣好像也是可以的，對嗎?(sorry優在這部分有些忘記)

I haven't seen any English poetries here for a long time except the words from myself, so this one is really very impressive to me!

Sorry, I might talk too much stuff about grammar, but it's the way how Im with English since I live in the US right now(plus my grandpa and one of my aunts used to be English teachers in Taiwan).

Thank you for sharing.

May you have a good day!

[倚馬]

謝謝你費那麼大的勁來讀。我也在美國住了很久,但當然, 英文仍可以很爛。有時是粗心大意, 如ebb or tide 是應這樣用的;但有時拿著免死金牌(詩可以不遵循文法)是故意不理文法的。sole 是獨一的意思。(是表示忠貞,心不旁騖, 也表示二人合而為一。因為你不是受者, 看不明白是理所當然的。 哈哈!)很高興有同道中人一起寫啊。
這首詩寫完後我頗高興,因為我隨手寫下一短句(OUR ENDLESS LOVE)作為每句第一字母, 之後用了莎士比亞木四行詩的格律寫成。是很好玩的文字遊戲呢。更重要的是逗別人開心啊!哈哈!
祝好

[葉優]

呵呵
中文詩的話我就會比較不管文法
但英文
優還是不習慣
大概跟家裡一堆英文老師有關吧v_v"

其實這首詩甜甜的
很不好意思優當時都專注於字詞上面
沒有好好欣賞，對不起喔!!